"Where is all the money??" or "OMG this map sucks"

This player is expecting the map to be covered in gobs of resources so that it becomes unnecessary to expand. Resource control is a major factor in StarCraft and without it a large chunk of strategy gets ripped from the game.

"Player John Q. Bnet has set network to extra high latency."

Many people don't know what latency does and are merely following what they have seen others do (sheep/lemmings). The fact is that latency completely destroys a player's ability to properly micro and should never be changed for any reason. If there is some lag just deal with it - cancel uploads, file sharing, whatever - and play on Low Latency so you don't screw up the ability to micro. Some people change network settings just to be jerks.

"You hack, so obvious"

This player has made a map hack accusation. This is very common to hear among GOOD players and the most effective response is usually "watch the replay" so they can judge for themselves. Sadly many hack accusers are too lazy/stubborn to watch the replay for fear they may be wrong, so they continue accusing, cursing, whining, what-have-you, until they ultimately leave the game.

"gg loser"

Sometimes when you lose a game, a particularly poor-mannered player will proceed to rub it in your face. Yeah ok buddy, we both know the game has ended, but it's up to the loser to concede. Don't be a jerk when you're winning and say "gg", only say "gg" when you've lost. Saying "gg" when you're winning essentially has the same effect as gloating, which is a poor quality to showcase to the public.

"My ally was a newbie!" or "My ally sucks :("

What is the point of bringing this up? Suddenly I can endow your ally with immense skill? You join a public game and this is what you expect - random skill among allies. If you don't want to gamble this then you can always tell the host you're bringing in a partner. Complaining about your ally's skill level doesn't help matters, and only makes you appear to be a whiner.

"I would own you 1v1!"

Whether or not this statement is true is irrelevant. You joined a team game meaning you agree to the terms and play style of a team game. People who say this have a twisted sense of logic where somehow a 1v1 would offset the LOSS they received in the team game. There is really no way to talk sense into these people, so just ignore them.

"You only won because [x]"

And you only lost because you failed to prepare for it.

"wow nice rec"

This is a comment regarding your record and usually the ratio of wins to losses. In many cases on Battle.net records are inflated by winbots, staged games, allying at the end of a game, and compstomping. Thus, it is not a very relevant point of information when determining a player's skill. The player who says this is oblivious to this fact, and the reply is usually "records are meaningless."

"you guys suck!"

Obviously this says more about the speaker than anything. If we suck, how is it you lost to us? When dealt this question they usually follow up with some excuse. These people are just looking to make themselves feel better since they played so badly.

"You would have lost if my real partner was here."

You should have thought of that before you joined a public game and agreed to a random ally. If your "real" partner (who may or may not even exist!) is online then bring him into the game, but if not then don't bother mentioning him.

"wut kind of map iz dis??"

The person who asks this is probably a UMS (Use Map Settings) player who expects the map to come with objectives other than Destroy All Enemy Buildings. In some cases the person may be referring to whether or not this is a land-locked or island map, with or without chokepoints, a normal vs. money map, etc. Consequently, these players are typically lacking in the skill department.

"JohnQBnet has paused the game. JohnQBnet: wait for lag to settle"

Some players think they know all there is to know about network behavior. Look genius, just because you pause the game doesn't mean the lag will stop or settle. They believe that pausing somehow clears the buffers (or some similar nonsense). Even if that's true (which it isn't), won't the lag come back when the game is unpaused? Logic never reaches these stubborn folks.

"What's my lag?" or "brb reconnecting to fix lag"

The people who say this also have no idea about how the latency indicators of Battle.net work. They ordinarily get one green bar of chat lag then connect one day to find 5 red bars, then are insistent on reconnecting so their lag is reduced to normal levels. News flash for these people: This does nothing. The chat indicator is merely your connectivity rating to Battle.net as you were joining the server. It says nothing about your CURRENT connection speed and it has no direct bearing on the lag in your games. Likewise, in a game lobby, your lag to each player is presented as a colored bar next to their names, so asking "What's my lag?" is pointless since it is different for each player.

"Map off"

This is a polite demand from a Bnetter for his opponent to turn off his map hack. Many times this is brought up before the players have even encountered each other, or when there is a slight spike of lag. Of course, since this is the Internet, many of these demands are ignored, whether or not the addressed player is actually using a map hack.

"Vision?"

Players may ask this when they are losing. They are asking for Shared Vision of your base. Sometimes this is a trick but usually it's pretty easy to tell if they're in any position to exploit Shared Vision. It is unknown why players ask for Shared Vision - maybe they want to see just how badly they lost. In any case, it is completely up to you to give them vision. If you do not wish to do this, you can always suggest they watch the replay.

"I was... (excuse)"

While you are bound to run into players who have some excuse for losing, the most memorable and ludicrously unbelievable ones stem from "I was..." or "I am...". Examples can range from "I was gone for half the time" to "I'm eating". Excuses, excuses! You lost! Deal with it!

"Press F4 [to speed up download]"

There is a myth that has propagated throughout Battle.net that holding the F4 button while you are downloading a map file will increase the speed of the file transfer. Of course, this myth is completely false. The next time they tell you to do that respond with this: "If you could speed up your download with the push of a button, why didn't Blizzard make transfers always work at that speed? Furthermore, why isn't it documented in any Blizzard or Starcraft Battle.net help menu, and how did you and the rest of B.net supposedly come to know about it?"

"are u good?"

The first thing you must realize is that this is a trick question. There is no "right" answer, yet there are plenty of wrong answers. In fact, players that ask this question in the game lobby are more likely to leave the game, for the following reasons:

"Yes." - Never say this. Often this causes the player to leave outright because he doesn't want to waste his time with someone that will just steamroll him.

"No." - This means you are a newbie and the player will leave because he thinks you won't provide him with any challenge.

"Skill is relative." - The player takes this to mean you are super-skilled since you are intelligent enough to realize this truth, and he will usually leave the game.

"We'll see." or (no answer) - This puts the player on the spot, and typically he will get nervous and leave.

"My download froze, let me rejoin"

Occasionally, the progress indicator may halt when a player joins and downloads the map file. If this happens, you may see someone type this. What the people who say this don't know is that the download will resume after a relatively short period of time. However, they insist on rejoining the game, thereby resetting the download indicator to ZERO. Then they have to download the map all over again. Brilliant!

"I was just messing around that game." or "You got lucky."

Never underestimate your opponent, especially if you have no previous experience playing against him. Play every game like you were playing against a progamer, and always give it everything you've got. People who don't follow this advice may find themselves in the pitfall of saying this. Their opponent usually has no way of knowing whether or not they were "actually trying," so it is pointless to mention this. Players who say this will typically demand a rematch.

"I'll hack your comp"

Sometimes, particularly bad-mannered B.netters will claim to hack into your computer in order to commit malicious acts, such as stealing your CD-Key. This is just an idle threat launched out of frustration. Just ignore this - it makes the accuser very angry.

Mr. Bad Manner

His chatting is normally accompanied by generous servings of profanity and expletives. He may also make unwholesome remarks concerning your mother. This player neither wins nor loses graciously. He will rub every small action during the game in your face. In all likelihood, this player is a gentle quiet person in real life and uses Battle.net as an outlet for years of pent up frustration.

The Lost Puppy

So you were playing well and basically owned some crappy player on Battle.net. Nothing memorable occurred during the game other than the fact that the match was shorter than usual. You return to your favorite channel when your opponent is whispering to you. At first, he'll be civil and ask for a rematch. You can politely decline or just ignore him, hoping that your B.net ID becomes too cumbersome for him to type out. However, this guy will soon get the idea that you want no part in a rematch. He'll resort to taunting and insulting you by questioning your bravery in the face of a video game. Remarks such as, "You're just a newb," or, "Yeah, I know you're afraid that I'll win this time," are well within this guy's repertoire. The only thing you're afraid of is wasting your time with another game with this guy. Basically, you gave this guy some attention in your first game and now he follows you around. Sometimes he's persistent enough that you'll just have to switch account names in order to avoid him. If this persists long enough, his personality profile can be relabeled to The Stalker.

The Lag-onator

This guy is using his (parents') brand new Dell computer on a 28.8K AOL dial-up connection. He wonders why online gaming is so slow since Intel advertised that the Pentium 4 enhances the Internet experience. Also has several instances of file sharing programs complete with spyware running during the game to obtain the latest Britney Spears songs.

The Bovine

Constantly looking for better pastures to graze. He'll join a game and while the countdown timer is ticking, he'll exit the match. After a reexamination of the situation he thought he could find a better gaming experience elsewhere. The grass is greener on the other side so he's heading off to feed. You have to admire him for his tireless dedication to his quest.

Douglas MacArthur

Instead of the Red Scare and seeing communists everywhere, this guy thinks hackers are always out to destroy the Universe as we know it. You deny his early expand? HACKER! You intercept a drop of his? HACKER! This guy believes he's the greatest StarCraft player to ever exist and the only reason you're doing so well is because you're hacking.

The Diplomat

This fellow is ready to absolve any past transgression from during the course of the game (if he is losing). He's ready to make up and asks that you ally up with him. Thus everyone gets a victory and we all win! If you ignore his pleads he is capable of becoming Mr. Bad Manner.

The Hacker

This miscreant scours the web for all manner of hacks and exploits to gain an unfair advantage over other players. With his arsenal of third party software at his fingertips he can finally dominate the gaming scene. Unfortunately, a great many of these hackers forgot to learn how to play StarCraft. They think that hacks will more than make up for their lack of skill.

The Available One

It's no great secret that a good portion of Battle.net participants are either prepubescent or in the midst of puberty. Despite the fact that Battle.net services span across the country allowing you to compete and chat with people far and wide, this guy thinks it's a good place to meet girls.

The Double Agent

This guy is a thespian of Shakespearean caliber. He can convincingly blend in with his ally and offer him support and tips. Unbeknownst to his ally, his intentions are less than honorable. While his ally goes off to try and win the game, the double agent unleashes his army to slaughter the defenseless former ally. Beware when allied vision turns black. Commonly known as a Backstabber.

Houdini

For his last magic trick he will disappear, just allow yourselves to close your eyes as the 45-second lag window appears after he intentionally disconnects. This guy believes Battle.net game statistics are relevant to life. They will someday appear on his police report sheet, credit rating history, and his school's permanent record.

One Trick Pony

This guy only knows how to win in one way. Normally a Zerg or Protoss player he will try a ling, zeal, or DT rush. If it fails, he'll either become a Diplomat or Houdini.

The Connoisseur

Believes he's a great expert on games and entertainment, he makes open commentary on details about StarCraft. Usually compares StarCraft to other games and eventually arrives at the conclusion that StarCraft sucks. Continues to harp on StarCraft but stays online with it. Love-hate relationship at its finest. Sucks to mix business and pleasure. Doesn't realize that no one cares about his opinion.

The Aristocrat

If the map isn't worth a lot of money, it isn't worth playing according to this guy. "I shouldn't have to work for my money, my money should work for me," contend BGH'ers, zero clutter and $$$$$ map players.

Fish Out of Water

This personality profile is in terms of an Aristocrat finding himself on a normal non-money map. This player will only use one income source at his main and proceed to either build mass static D and/or tech to the highest tiered units in the game only to find out that he's out of money and has become a vegetable.

Master of Time and Space

Well, this guy can be the master of time and space pending on certain conditions. When he pauses a game, it will remained paused if his ally and opponents are reasonable and good mannered. More often than not, time and space are forces you cannot control on a whim. When he returns to the game, he finds that he either has a ton of money with no units or tech, or no base at all. Also see Mr. Recurring Head Trauma.

The Vigilante

Watch out for this guy, he's out to fight gaming crime. Unfortunately, everyone is a suspect. He'll threaten to report you to Blizzard so that they can prosecute you to the furthest extent of the law. If he claims to be a Blizzard employee, his personality profile can be relabeled to The Faux Fed.

The One-Armed Bandit

Unfortunately, it's difficult to see this in action over Battle.net. However, if you have ever watched a StarCraft tournament in person, you'll see these types (difficult to see over Battle.net, even more painful to see in person). Basically, these guys can play StarCraft with one hand tied behind their back. Actually, they just play with one hand using the mouse. Shortcut keys are too difficult to remember, hotkeying groups requires too much time, and chatting is never productive. Watch out for these guys, many of them fall into the Near-sighted Kamikaze Pilot profile as well since they are unaware of the attack-move command.

The Near-sighted Kamikaze Pilot

Each unit in StarCraft can share in the potential to win the game, if properly applied. In order to do this, the unit needs to help deal out damage. Under the Near-sighted Kamikaze Pilot's master plan, each unit in StarCraft can become cannon fodder in one easy step! Basically, this guy right clicks his units everywhere. Whether it be into a wall of sunkens, a field of mines, or nuclear launch site. Not every unit is lost due to right-clicking though. Some of these pilots vastly underestimate enemy defenses and think they can take it on.

The Law-Abiding Citizen

Rules are the binding force of society. Without them there would be nothing but chaos. Determined to avoid such anarchy, this guy will invariably ask in the beginning or before a game starts if there are any rules.

Mr. Recurring Head Trauma

This fellow has a nasty habit of lapsing out of consciousness or leaving the keyboard. He returns to find that either the game has started without his awareness or that he was attacked when he was gone.

The Smurf

This guy is either well-known, hounded by stalkers, or wants to shrug off incidents of when people ban him from games on the account of his great record from his previous user name. He hopes to start a new name in order to either get games going, or to trick others into thinking he's less skilled than he really is.

Low Self-Esteem Guy

This player lacks any sort of confidence in gaming ability. He will introduce himself as a newbie and profess his suckitude for StarCraft. Not only does it lower the confidence of potential allies, it increases his likelihood of becoming backstabbed, thus speeding him ever further down the spiral. Seek professional help immediately. However, some of these guys are actually Smurfs hoping to disarm potential opponents.

Mr. All That and a Bag of Chips

Conversely, there are Battle.net players that believe they are the second coming in terms of StarCraft skill. If they are in the midst of losing they find themselves turning into a conspiracy theorist. Also see Douglas MacArthur.

The Artist

You usually find this guy at work in B.net chatrooms or the lobby of a game before it starts. He likes to doodle with letters and make one line ASCII art. A harsh profession, his works quickly vanish as they scroll upwards as new responses are made or the game starts. In extreme cases he will doodle ingame by creating art to see on the minimap.

The Talent Scout

Usually the leader of a new clan, he's out to recruit the best that B.net has to offer (poor guy). In order to become part of a privileged elite that are able to join his select clan you have to beat him in a match. Little does he realize that his intentions are to become a leader of a clan where he has the least amount of skill.

The Collector

His main interest is to amass and archive every single map made for StarCraft. Despite online web pages offering a multitude of maps for download, he finds the best way to obtain maps is to join games, let the map slowly transfer over and leave. During his desperate mission, he will offer pleas of, "plz let me dl thx," or, "wait ok." Also known as a Mapthief.

The Blameless One

It's never his fault, EVER. The only reason he lost is because he didn't random to his best race, or that his ally was a newbie, or that in the FFA everyone ganged up on him. He refuses to take responsibility for his own actions (or inaction), and pins it on something else. Some go as far as to say, "If we were playing <insert other game name here> I would have kicked your butt." Sorry kid, we weren't playing that game just deal with your loss.

Affirmative Action Advocate

This guy wants to be the great equalizer. Builds all the hardly seen units in online gaming believing them to be the best choice for the job. Don't worry the next time you decide to skip building Scouts, Queens, or Ghosts. He'll do it for you so that there's equal representation.

The Surveyor

He's here to ask you 20 questions whether they are relevant to StarCraft or not. Anything from A/S/L to where he can obtain hacks for the game.

The Terminal Patient

This guy hasn't much time left, thus he's very impatient. Everything must begin immediately after he arrives or you're just wasting his last precious seconds on Earth. His two favorite letters to type are "G" and "O" in no particular order, combination, or length.

The Lag Accuser

Part The Blameless One, Douglas MacArthur, and The Lag-onator, this guy accuses everyone else of lagging the game when in reality it is his own connection that is the culprit. Disconnect windows always show him as the lagger, but when this is brought to his attention he denies it. Occasionally this person will go as far as to lie about the speed and throughput of his connection in order to shake the blame.

The Self-Proclaimed Gosu

Not many people on Battle.net have heard of the great professional Starcraft players such as Boxer, Nada, Garimto, and Yellow. However some of the people that have believe they know more about the game than anyone. By citing pro build orders, techniques, strategies, and "-isms", they rank themselves far above the rest of the "Bnet ilk." They will attempt tricks like the Anyppi or Bamboo Terran, but with little-to-no finesse. These players are stunned and frustrated when they lose a game after they've executed a supposedly "master-level" strategy.

Instant Friend

Similar to The Lost Puppy, this guy plagues you with /f m mass messages. You are particularly at risk if you have an easy-to-remember account name. This person may be a Stalker, a Smurf, or any combination. You constantly receive messages not directed at you - this is the kind of person that messages his entire Friends List when he needs to only message one person. He refuses to take you off his Friends List when you approach him about it.

The Broken Heart

"I'm only playing SC because I have a crappy computer or because I was banned from War3." This person often has a myriad of problems that beckons others to assuage his shortcomings. Well cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it. No one cares that you've been "forced" to enjoy the greatest RTS ever.

The Autobiographer

His life is far more interesting than any other kid’s. He has to share it with you to liven up your drab existence. He’ll tell you about how his upside-down goldfish was sick and had to be flushed, he’ll let you know which Flintstone vitamin is his favorite, and he’ll explain why he chose to play StarCraft instead of solitaire. This may actually be a valid strategy by this guy. He hopes to bore you enough so that you lose cognitive reasoning and let him win.

The Hairdryer

This guy is very much like The Autobiographer with one major difference. His life is stupefyingly bland. So he creates a yarn of his action adventure lifestyle where he has beat up cops, has tons of girlfriends, and drives a racecar to school. Another variant of this guy is that instead of telling about his fictional life, he’ll talk about his fictional StarCraft abilities in an attempt to trick or awe his opponent. “I can have 30 hydras in 2 minutes,” or “My army has 20 carriers you can’t stop it.” Either way this guy does nothing but push a lot of hot air.

The One Map Wonder

Will only compete on one map for online play. Other maps are different and strange, they’re easy to get lost in or perhaps the critters look too scary. He is so at home with his favorite map that he can draw it out freehand and sends fan mail to the map creator. This guy believes that if he plays on any other map he’ll lose because he’d be at a disadvantage. At the rate he’s going, he’s probably right.

The Ignorant Host

This guy likes to create team games. However, he neglects to use the built-in Top vs. Bottom game option. Instead he creates a melee game and informs everyone that it’s TvB. This can often lead to many guys suffering an Amnesia Case.

The Amnesia Case

“To all: Who is my ally?” “To all: AC on” This fellow doesn’t remember who he should be fighting or who he should be talking to. Maybe it’s better to be safe and just tell his strategy to everyone. That way he’s guaranteed to reach the right person… eventually.

The Squatter

You can only find this guy in team games. For some reason he was unable to defend his base, thus he had to run. Unfortunately, the best place to run is to his ally’s base where he will proceed to set up shop and share the mineral field. Also known as a Leech or Parasite.

Hide-and-Seek Master

He knows he’s lost, but he’s going to make your victory as drawn out and boring as possible. He’ll run around the map with peons and build structures in obscure places as you try to hunt down the little so and so.

Mr. I Can Deal With Adversity

Even after losing his main this guy can quickly set up shop somewhere else on the map and continue playing without pause. Forced relocation? No problem. He takes a beating and he keeps on ticking.

The Logician

“It seemed like the logical choice at the time.” This guy will reason that since Protoss shields get damaged first, he should logically upgrade those first.

The Miser

“A mineral saved is a mineral earned,” my grandpappy used to say. This guy is an utter cheapskate. He won’t spend any of his hard earned resources. Little does he realize that you can’t take it with you to your next game when your opponent beats you with superior spending.

The Worker's Union Leader

He allows his peons lots of breaks, he doesn’t split his opening peons to gather minerals, and he has plenty of idle workers and units about. His units may have better health care coverage, but what they really need is life insurance when you run him over with your superior economy and production.

The Loiterer

We don’t know when this guy actually plays the game. Instead he likes to hang out in his favorite channel. He becomes a fixture in certain chat rooms and eventually it will seem bare without him. Often mistaken for a chat bot.

Long John Silver

Boasts that he’s on B.net with a pirated version of StarCraft. This guy should watch out for The Vigilante.

The Masochist

Plays the game, decides it’s not worth trying, and inflicts lots of damage by attacking himself.

The Neat Freak

Plays StarCraft like it’s a game of Tetris. His base layout is never cluttered, his units are always in formation, and cries if his mineral patches are lopsided. If he starts commenting on how your base layout and units should be arranged, change his personality profile to The Obsessive Compulsive. Also see The Perfectionist.

The Perfectionist

This guy wants units/buildings to be in perfect condition. Usually a Terran player by nature, he will not tolerate imperfections, repairs everything if he can, and researches restoration immediately. Those wireframes are meant to be GREEN dang it! If for some strange reason he is unable to get something back into mint condition his universe will shatter. Also known as The Hypochondriac.

The Entrepreneur

This guy believes he will capitalize on many opportunities soon. Thus he sets up a lot of excess supply to get ready for near future growth. This is the same guy who will get energy capacity upgrade for units that have no inherent spells before researching them.

The Dictator

This character is found in allied games only, he tells allies what to do regardless whether it’s a good idea or not, if his side wins it’s because of his leadership, if they lose, it’s because they didn’t listen to him.

Mr. DMZ

“OMG get out of my base!” Whether it’s your opening scout or an attack, this guy wants you out of there. His territory is for his units only. You don’t belong there. Didn’t you read the sign?

The Junkie

Terran player only, he loves his StimPack. In fact he has the bothersome habit of stimming the same unit more than once in quick succession before they can heal. It sure is easy to kill a guy when he’s stoned.

Guy Incognito

This guy tries to act Korean to scare other players, types commonly used phrases that sound Korean but forgets his guise when he starts losing and uses English expletives.

The Voluntary Firing Squad Target

This is the type of player that INSISTS that you finish off every last one of his buildings. He is either too stubborn, too ignorant, or too honorable/proud to leave the game of his own accord. When he knows he is losing, he gives you the "privilege" of spending the last remaining minutes seeking out and eliminating all of his structures. If he only put that much enthusiasm into competing during the game, he might have not gotten himself into such a predicament. Also as a firing squad target, he may ask for Shared Vision, thus removing his blindfold before execution so he can stare death in the eye.

Mr. Stealth Affinity

All players want their units to be cost-effective, right? After all, that's how the game is won. However, this guy takes it to the extreme. A special subclass of The Perfectionist, this player loves cloaked units. Typically these are Protoss players who build excessive numbers of Dark Templar or Arbiters, Terran players who amass cloaked Wraiths, or Zerg players who morph as many Lurkers as possible. They reason that cloaked units have the highest probability of becoming cost-effective, so why not build them en masse? What he does not realize is that just one detector can bring him to his knees. Sometimes this guy just likes to build cloaked units just because he thinks they are "cool," without considering any strategic elements. He may think "there's nothing scarier than seeing several blurry forms of DTs or Wraiths invading your base." In extreme cases, this guy will use mass Ghosts against his opponent just to satisfy his need for cloaked units.

The Race Illusionist

The hand is quicker than the eye! This class of B.netter changes his race when the game countdown gets as close to zero as possible, hoping that you weren't paying attention. He's hoping to get all the benefits of Random (where you don't know his race) without the consequences of playing a race he doesn't know.

The Dodger

This guy is similar in attitude to Mr. All That and a Bag of Chips and Mr. Bad Manner. He demands a rematch after losing a game. However, something always conveniently comes up at the scheduled time of the rematch that prevents him from playing. You sure got lucky he had to trim his azalea bushes, or you would have been dealt the thrashing of a lifetime!

The Legislative Hypocrite

This guy feels the need to create rules for his games. Usually these rules are as simple as "no rush for 10 minutes", which means players cannot interact with each other until 10 minutes have elapsed. Players are expected to abide by these rules. However, the rulemaker himself feels that he is above the law and will usually rush very early. This is fairly predictable since it is a rule that can only be enforced by the honor system, but this guy has played many unsuspecting opponents for patsies.

The Paranoiac

Is the enemy of my enemy really my friend? This guy asks himself that question constantly. Plagued by fears that his allies are Double Agents, he accuses everyone in the game of conspiring against him.

Captain Obvious

This particular B.netter is severely deficient in conversational skills. He must resort to making statements that are known to all regardless of the subject's relevance to the current situation. Will often display uncanny arithmetic functions by proclaiming that only one more person is needed for a 2v2 game when 3 are present in the lobby. The battle cry of the opponents of Captain Obvious is, "No duh!"

The Ill-Fated Negotiator

Negotiation is a delicate process in which two people reach an agreement, usually by sacrificing part of their personal wishes. This guy doesn't seem to grasp the full concept. It's his way or the highway!

The Highly Suggestable Type

This strain of B.netter is the polar opposite of The Ill-Fated Negotiator. He'll do anything if only people would listen to his requests!

The Monosyllabic Responder

"Why type a whole sentence when only one word will do?" That is the motto of this common B.net denizen. Not exactly the most talkative individual, he typically never initiates a conversation, and responds to questions or comments with simple one-syllable answers.

The Safe Better

One thing can be said about this guy - he certainly knows his limits. He'd rather cut and run than face up to a challenge. With this mentality, he is probably a successful gambler.

The Drunken Master

"Oh man I am so drunk right now lollll!!!" This guy insists on proclaiming his drunkenness (or stonedness) to all the world. He may seem intoxicated to begin with, but he sure sobers up quickly after he loses, at which point he lets loose with excuse after excuse about how he would have won if he wasn't drunk.

The Failed Leader

This guy hosts a game, then forgets that he possesses all the powers associated with being the host. That's right, friend - as the host, you alone have the power to start the game and boot players! Try it sometime!

Section III. Common Occurances on Battle.net

Less Is More Than Enough | Anything in the Name of Vengeance | RM Theory | Can't Drop?

Less Is More Than Enough

As already mentioned in Sections I and II, sometimes players will join a game complaining that there aren't enough available resources at their start location. The irony of this is that many of these people never even build enough workers to cover harvesting the few mineral patches that are available. Some patches may go completely untouched! Why, then, does it make a difference how many resources are available to you when you don't even use all you have?

Anything in the Name of Vengeance

In some cases you may run into players who use right-click for nearly every action in the game. Maybe they are One-Armed Bandits, maybe they are Near-Sighted Kamikaze Pilots, a combination of the two, or a different classification altogether. Typically these players have very slow reaction times. In any case, this means they use the default Move command to get anywhere, meaning his units can be easily ambushed, and the default Attack command to target a specific unit. When attacking a unit, the player is either so oblivious to the battle or so determined to destroy it that his army follows said unit as far as it can run - across the entire map, or even through static defense or enemy units - anything to kill the offending unit! In many cases the player's army takes substantial casualties as a result of this course of action.

RM Theory

When a typical B.netter creates a game, he usually waits about ten seconds for an opponent to join before exiting the lobby and recreating the game. This will loop continuously until someone joins the game. The belief is that remaking the game bumps it to the top of the Join menu, and so many games are created that there are only a few seconds of opportunity before the game is pushed to the bottom of the list. In team games, B.netters may join a game and say "RM" ("remake") when the requisite number of players does not immediately appear. The fact of the matter is that remaking has no effect on the influx of players. It only SEEMS that way because the host is constantly active. A host may think that it only takes 5 seconds to get a game started, but if he remade the game 30 times he was actually waiting far longer than that. The best course of action is to create a game then sit and wait for players to join. Don't remake the game. Ignore other players' requests to remake the game.

Can't Drop?

Sometimes you will be winning a game, and the lag window pops up. No problem, right? It's probably just another player intentionally disconnecting. However, this particular player cannot be dropped by clicking the Drop Players button. A special subclass of Houdini, your opponent is using what is known as a Lag Hack. This type of hack prevents the Drop Players button from functioning by freezing your opponent's screen. It is a type of double-edged sword, really - although you cannot drop your opponent, he cannot interact with the game until the hack is disabled. What your opponent intends to do is frustrate you to the point of force-closing the game (by pressing Alt-F4 or using the Windows Task Manager), at which point he disables the hack and captures the win. Usually people that lag hack will Alt-Tab out of the game for a few minutes and return when they believe you have left the game. Particularly vindictive players can turn this against the would-be lag hacker by remaining in the game, and just Alt-Tabbing out to do other things. When the lag hacker realizes you are still in the game, he will turn the hack back on in another attempt to convince you to leave.

Lag hackers may close the game while they have the lag hack turned on - this is indistinguishable to the victim. If this happens, you will be able to use the Drop Players button once again. For players that attempt to use Lag Hacks to cheat opponents out of a hard-earned win by annoying them into submission, there is no sweeter victory than giving them a taste of their own medicine. It is all a test of willpower, and it is very frustrating for lag hackers when they go to such unscrupulous ends to discover they have just wasted their time.

Section IV. The Stages of Skill Evolution

Stage 1
This player knows very little about the game and learns as he goes. What little experience he has with Starcraft is from the campaign or Custom games against the computer. Sometimes relies heavily on static defense.

Stage 2
This player knows which units are good and what beats what. He does not micro and his speed and build order leave much to be desired. Sometimes relies heavily on static defense.

Stage 3
This player knows basic build orders and a few rush builds. He micros very little and is slow. May revert to Stage 2 if his opening attack fails.

Stage 4
This player knows complex rush builds (such as fast drops). He rarely micros and has a moderate reaction time. Sometimes uses moderate amounts of static defense.

Stage 5a
This player knows some advanced micro maneuvers such as surrounding, and feels comfortable using spellcasters. However, this detracts from his macro. He plays at a moderate speed.

Stage 5b
This player knows how to macro, but doesn't exercise any real strategy. He tends to be expansionistic and plays at a moderate speed.

Stage 6
This player knows the value of containment and recon, and keeping up with tech. He works equally well with spellcasters and production. Retreats when outnumbered. He plays at a moderate-to-fast speed.

Stage 7
This player knows how to exploit containment by expanding while he has the upper hand. He regularly goes on surgical strikes against his opponent's peon line, and is able to anticipate his opponent's moves through logic rather than straight-out recon. Knows the value of flanking and spends well. Realizes the importance of "quality over quantity" for base defense. He plays at a fairly fast speed.

Stage 8
This player is familiar with all basic timing of every race's builds, and knows precisely when to expect every basic rush. His scout peon is able to stay alive long enough for the enemy to force it out with a considerable amount of micro. Exercises regular peon harassment backed up with micro when applicable. Quick reaction time. At times uses very advanced micro maneuvers such as dodging Lurker spines with infantry and dodging projectile attacks with Dropships/Shuttles. Very good macro most of the time. Plays at a fast speed.

Stage 9
This player is able to predict the flow of enemy forces, and can typically tell when his opponent is teching or aggressively expanding because there are so few forces harassing him. Excels with spellcasters. Peon harassment is usually very efficient due to the effort invested in advanced micro. Recognizes most incoming attacks on the minimap before they become a threat. Spends very well. Plays at a fast-to-very-fast speed.

Stage 10
This player knows how much time is worth investing in individual units, and can predict when enemy expansions appear. Uses distraction tactics often in an attempt to overwhelm his opponent. Spending is never an issue. Speed is typically very fast though in some cases can be much faster.

Section V. Common Questions on Battle.net

"BCs or Carriers?" | "When is Starcraft II coming out?" | "What is the best race?" | "Is APM overrated?" | "Is there a Speed Hack?"

"BCs or Carriers?"

This is a direct comparison between Terran Battlecruisers and Protoss Carriers. This question is asked in order to determine which is the superior unit. The answer is that they have different roles. In a pro league game, you will almost never see Battlecruisers fight Carriers. Wraiths and Goliaths fare much better against Carriers. Carriers will beat Battlecruisers in a straight-out fight with micro, because they are faster and can attack more easily while moving.

"When is Starcraft II coming out?"

Nobody knows. Blizzard wants to do it, but don't expect it for a while. At any rate, it is likely Starcraft II will be inferior to its predecessor, so why ask this question? You're already playing the best game out there!

"What is the best race?"

There is no best race. Starcraft is the most balanced RTS game in history. Some races benefit more than others based on the map, however. Open maps favor the Zerg, island maps and maps with distant expansions favor the Protoss, and maps with tight chokepoints and cliffs favor Terrans.

"Is APM overrated?"

APM, or Actions Per Minute, can be determined by a program known as BWChart. Generally, APM is a measure of a player's reaction time and overall speed. It is widely accepted that a high APM is important, as long as both players are on the same skill level. Knowing proper unit counters, build orders, strategies, and making smart decisions are all more important than having a high APM, though a high APM can somewhat compensate for any shortcomings in these categories. As a rule, it is more important to know how to play the game than to suck and be fast. However, assuming both players are at equal levels regarding the previous categories, APM will play more of a central role in determining the winner.

"Is there a Speed Hack?" or "Is there a Mineral Hack?"

Sometimes when people lose a game, they will later explain that their loss was due to their opponent using a Speed Hack. According to these players, a Speed Hack reduces unit and structure build time. They're lying. Here's an overview of Starcraft's error-checking system:

1. Battle.net runs an authentication routine on your files (a size check). If these files are different sizes from the original ones, you will not be allowed to log on.

2. When you get into a game, information packets are regularly sent to all of the other players in the game. These packets contain unit, resource, and structure statistics. If at any time your statistics don't match those of the other players, you will be disconnected.

These players will sometimes make accusations regarding a Mineral Hack. Mineral Hacks DO exist, now. Hacks have become very powerful recently. They have the ability to spawn various structures and Doodads which in turn can be exploited to create a massive cashflow. There also existed a hack (which was recently patched) that allowed players to morph any unit into a Mutalisk. Hacks such as this do not de-sync the hacker from the game. The best thing to do is to just not play against that person and leave the game. Remember the player's handle and don't play against him in future games.